I Wish

By Jewel Soares

 

i wish i was contempt with being alone. i'm done with this foolish attempt, to be someone's number one, these games were never meant for fun, i never could have won, so put the bullet in the gun, count to three and then you're free.

i wish i was fine being alone, to be built like stone, but for love i'm needy. Yes, I can be very greedy.

i wish i was contempt with not being pretty, but you grind me down to the nitty gritty, to be observed and shown to your committee. Till i lose all my sense and pride, not realizing that was the day i died.

i wish i was okay with being me, i wish the world could agree that it's okay to be me, but i'm lost at sea.

i wish i could break free, but sadly i suffer from this disease, to please, to please those who surround me. But it is not i who am crowned, my hands bound, my body left to be found, for i have drowned. Lost myself in the wind, lost in my very mind, those are where the words are the most unkind.

i wish i was free, but here's the funny thing, i know i'm free, physically, i can do as i please but somehow accidentally, i became mentally lost. Yes i agree my body is free, but what does it matter if i'm a slave to the mind.

i wish i wasn't that blind, to let myself be defined, confined into this outline, and be declined by society when i step out the line.

i wish i wasn't stuck in this dream, causing me to scream. See i'm a part of this scheme, to become "mainstream", for who doesn't want to be supreme, to have the power rush through your bloodstream.

i wish i could be fine on my own, to imagine myself on my very own throne. But with my mouth sewn, and cold to the bone, i look at my phone and realize i am still alone.

i wish i didn't have to throw up bile whenever i tried to smile, but hey that's my style, meanwhile i’ll laugh and play the fool, sadly yes it is cruel, but i could have never won this duel

i just wish...... i could be fine with just me so no longer do I have to pretend to be free

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